I am going to say something controversial. I do not like the saying “Aging in place”. Now, I absolutely believe that everyone should stay in the home they are comfortable in as they age, but for some reason that saying rubs me the wrong way. What about all the living, visiting with loved ones and celebrating holidays. Building fond memories, planning fun trips and relationships. Instead, aging is the verb we use. As if to say that is the primary activity going on. I find it odd that there is even a saying about it. Unfortunately, we have normalized institutional and communal care as we age so “aging in place” seems like a new hip trend. What it really means is making sure you have a safe home with the proper services and supports needed to live at home. I am simply going to call it “living at home”. The important part about living at home, no matter what age or stage of life you are in, is being honest about what is and what is not working for you. When considering what is not working for you, I recommend being creative and thinking outside the box when problem solving. We can be driving on such a narrow path with cultural norms that we do not see that there are others off-roading right next to us! Let me explain.
I occasionally meet seniors that are preparing to sell their homes and either move into a retirement community or care home. The house maintenance has usually become quite a burden and their safety a concern. Children have often encouraged them, as they live far away or are unprepared to help with personal and medical care. They feel that this is the only next step possible. After some conversation, if I am getting the sense that this is an unwanted move, I often open the discussion up to unconventional options. If finances are available, support and care givers are readily available to work as a team to take care of you and your home. There are wonderful advancements in mobility and safety equipment that can transform your home quickly and non-invasively. If finances are a bit tighter, it can be affordable to have live in help and quite a nice relationship. I have witnessed friends at church move in together and hire their own care aide part time. A wonderful neighbour of ours decided he would rent out rooms, with terms of house and yard maintenance included. He liked having others around and looking out for him. And there are many social services available that most do not know about. It takes a little investigation and planning. I am happy to chat and point you in the right direction. I also read an article about a North Vancouver man selling his home at a below market value to anyone that would let him stay as long as he wanted/could. This would allow him to hire help. Often, a minimal daily care aide shift can open a wider window of independence. We usually arrange to be there for key activities and I provide 24/7 on call services personally. Families find it comforting, knowing that their loved one is not alone. I will come when they need. These are just some of the ideas I have seen. Another interesting arrangement I have seen, was when she was unable to drive, my grandmothers friend loaned her car to the neighbour in exchange for grocery delivery and appointments she made at least a week in advance. Now, in all of these situations you should be careful and make sure you cannot be taken advantage of. Safeguards should be put in place, but there are so many wonderful partnerships happening around us. My greatest fear is that someone would feel forced out of their home, alone or hopeless when it could be filled with joy and support. Living at home can and should be made possible! I am happy to come by and discuss options and ideas. Sometimes I am not the one who comes up with the good ideas. It just takes some conversation over coffee to get them flowing. Don’t “age in place”…..”live in comfort and peace”.
I wish you joy and peace living in your home!